Tomorrow Grayson will begin preK at a new school. I have a lot of different feelings about it:
but my main feeling is codependent. I’ve come to realize that my feelings are based on other peoples feelings. I’m sitting in bed tonight writing this and feeling anxious because I don’t know how I’m going to feel in the morning- I don’t know because my emotions are based on Grayson’s emotions. If Grayson is happy at drop off tomorrow then I’ll be happy, if he cries and feels sad then I will cry and feel sad (not til I get to my car all alone of course). If my husband has a bad day at work then I have a bad day. What does that say about me though? Does it say that I love my family and their happiness means everything to me, or does it say that I’m so wrapped up in their lives that I have lost myself?
I have to be honest, I guess I’m ok with whatever the answer is because it’s MY purpose to do everything I can to make Grayson and Chris happy- there is nothing I want more than to see smiles on their faces. And really what is so wrong with a little codependency anyway?
So here’s to mom’s everywhere that are starting a new school tomorrow- may your morning be filled with hugs, laughter and all the joy that only a child can bring you.