Grayson woke up very excited about school today. He mostly was happy about his lunch box. I was concerned he’d cry or be upset at drop off but he was totally fine! No tears and just said “bye mom”. He did tell me to wait in my car though just in case there was an emergency. Good thinking!
Tomorrow Grayson will begin preK at a new school. I have a lot of different feelings about it:
but my main feeling is codependent. I’ve come to realize that my feelings are based on other peoples feelings. I’m sitting in bed tonight writing this and feeling anxious because I don’t know how I’m going to feel in the morning- I don’t know because my emotions are based on Grayson’s emotions. If Grayson is happy at drop off tomorrow then I’ll be happy, if he cries and feels sad then I will cry and feel sad (not til I get to my car all alone of course). If my husband has a bad day at work then I have a bad day. What does that say about me though? Does it say that I love my family and their happiness means everything to me, or does it say that I’m so wrapped up in their lives that I have lost myself?
I have to be honest, I guess I’m ok with whatever the answer is because it’s MY purpose to do everything I can to make Grayson and Chris happy- there is nothing I want more than to see smiles on their faces. And really what is so wrong with a little codependency anyway?
So here’s to mom’s everywhere that are starting a new school tomorrow- may your morning be filled with hugs, laughter and all the joy that only a child can bring you.