my biggest fear…

As a mother my biggest fear is dying young and leaving my child without his mother. Would he know how much I love him? Would he always feel sad when all the other mommies are at school sport events or field trips and his mother isn’t? Would he even remember me? 

So today my biggest fear was realized when I found out a friend of mine- a 40 year old mother of 5- has possibly been diagnosed with a lung disease that gives her 3-4 years to live. Now she’s waiting on her 3rd Dr. opinion to come in and we are praying every second that the first 2 opinions were wrong. She has young children- very young. I can’t even imagine the horror she is feeling right now. I’d be crawling out of my skin thinking of all the things I’d miss with Grayson. The little things like him getting up at 4am to come in our bed, needing my help to wipe his booty or get his shoes on. The sweet hugs and kisses that I just breath in like oxygen. I’d miss everything- his life, and his life is my life. My days are revolved around Grayson and his schedule- I’d do anything to make him smile. 

So right now my biggest fear is happening to a friend. All I can do is pray for her. 

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